“Failure is not an option.”

Oh, the famous words of my high school principal, Dr. Steve Gallon III. This motto was all over our school, our announcements, our t-shirts – whatever he could get it printed on. Of course, in life, failure isn’t our “choice”. But I’ve realized that sometimes it’s necessary for us to improve.

When I was in Medical School, I was required to take an exam called Step 2 CS (Clinical Skills). It tests your ability to take a history from a patient, examine them, and come to a conclusion about their care. My medical school required a passing score on this exam in order to graduate. The exam also had a $1000 price tag. Because it was such a big deal, my medical school provided practice sessions for us. We practiced on real-life patients for months before taking the test. I took the test during my 4^th and final year of Medical school – just 4 months after giving birth to my son. I had taken so many tests in my life. This was going to be a breeze.

It wasn’t – I FAILED IT!

The feedback that I received was that I “didn’t ask enough questions” and “came to conclusions too quickly”. This was the same feedback that I received during the practice sessions at my medical school, but I obviously ignored it.

Of course, I was devastated when I received my test result. This test was no indication of my medical knowledge or future success as a physician, but my future hung on it.

I was a failure.

I would not graduate from medical school on time.

Everyone would know.

I was so stressed out. This was November of 2008, and I was luckily able to reschedule the test for February of the following year. Mind you, I was scheduled to graduate in 6 months. And HAD to have a passing score on this test in order to walk across the stage. I don’t remember truly “failing” at anything before this. And this was a failure on a LARGE scale. There was a lot at stake. It meant possibly waiting an entire semester or even a year before moving on. It meant being held back from my Residency. Held back from my future.

I studied my butt off and practiced asking a TON of questions. I practiced, and read, and practiced some more. Then re-took the test and PASSED, graduated, and never had to tell my story until now!

Lessons learned

Although I ended up with a good outcome, believe me, this was not an easy time. It was definitely a time that I was very unsure of myself. This taught me so many lessons, and one was the reality that I’m still human. I’m allowed to make mistakes. I am allowed to not be perfect. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself all of the time. As a working mom, I try every day to keep everything in order, to keep my husband, children, and patients happy. But, the reality is that I can’t do it all. I can’t be everything to everyone. There may be small and big failures along the way, and I have to just brush it off, fix what I can, and move on.  I had to learn how to deal with failure in life.

One failure does not make you a failure

All of my life, I had excelled. Failure was practically not in my vocabulary until this moment. It was a rough time for me. Filled with worry and uncertainty. I could have chosen to sit and sulk in my failure and think that I could do no better. But that would not have gotten me to where I am today. I had to realize that I would’ve been OK no matter the outcome. That I could still be an awesome doctor in the future, and this one test did not define me. Sure, I had to work harder to get a passing score. And I’m glad I was pushed out of my comfort zone to make that happen.

Ask questions/Don’t Assume

This was my literal problem during the test, but I realize that it also carries over to my life. I take a lot of things at face value. I don’t always ask questions, which causes me to come to incorrect conclusions at times. Honestly, a lot of the time, I think I already know the answer, even though I likely don’t. It drives my husband crazy! I encourage you  – ask questions! No matter what your pre-conceived assumptions are.

Accept Criticism

If I had listened to the feedback I received during the practice sessions at my med school, I probably could’ve avoided the stress of this failure. I thought I knew it all. How to interview a patient. How to get the information I needed.

I was wrong.

I learned the hard way!

In life, we tend to think that people are just trying to put us down or hurt us when they give us feedback. But, when it’s truly constructive feedback, it’s helpful to accept it, make the necessary adjustments in your life, and move on (again, a skill I’m still working on – ask my hubby!)

Own your failures

I could easily have blamed my failing score on the fact that I had just had my son a few months earlier. I was stressed about his care after his heart surgery. But who was he to blame? I made the decision to go to medical school. To have another child while I was there. I knew what my testing schedule would look like before I made the decision.

I didn’t listen to the feedback I received during my practice session. It was not my son’s nor anyone else’s fault. It’s easy to point fingers and blame someone else when something goes wrong in your life, but I encourage you to own your failures. This is still a skill that I work on daily. Self-reflection is truly the best way to try to prevent those failures from repeating themselves. Learn to just say “my bad”!

(This was probably the biggest thing for me to learn when thinking about how to deal with failure in life)

Come Out Better

The reality is that life is going to throw all types of things your way. There are going to be failures and setbacks. But the lessons learned from those setbacks are what will make you a stronger wife, mother, and woman on the other side. It’s so important that you don’t’ allow your failures to beat you down. Instead, keep track of the lessons learned or the positive things that came out of that failure and use them as motivation to keep moving forward!

Do you have any other tips on how to deal with failure in life? Share them in the comments below!

Want to save this post, How to Deal With Failure In Life, for later? Pin it below and share with your family and friends!

If you love these tips, be sure to check out my 170+ page digital library, filled with step-by-step instructions and  the tools you need to create effective routines, manage your time, prepare meals,  clean your home, care for your kids – and so much more!