I’ve had a child born at each stage of my training. 5 kids over the course of 14 years. A lot of people would call me nuts – and I probably am a little – but I honestly wouldn’t have changed my experiences one bit. Motherhood for me has always included studying or working. There was never a time that I was “stay-at-home” unless I was on a brief maternity leave.

The craziness we’ve been through

My oldest daughter was born while I was in undergrad. I took my MCAT (Medical college admission test) early in my pregnancy with her, and even interviewed for Medical School 2 months before she was born. She was there for my college, med school, and residency graduations. My first real jobs. So many of my ups and downs. I consider her my “road dawg”.

My son was born at the end of my 3rd year of medical school. While in the hospital to deliver him, I was (crazily) studying for a shelf exam for my Internal Medical rotation. He had the added complication of needing heart surgery soon after he was born. I had to leave him for a week at a time for a rural medical school rotation in another city when he was only a few months old. There were so many nights I remember studying with him in my arms. I had so many “mommy guilt” moments during his early years. I always though to myself: “I don’t want this time to pass me by”

My next daughter was born while I was in residency – probably one of the busiest times of my life. I had 30-hour calls, studying, and trying to balance 3 kids. All while going through a divorce. My fourth was born while I was working for a large, busy practice. I worked long hours, several days a week, with a heavy patient load. I was exhausted during my pregnancy with her and for a long time afterwards. My last son is by far the luckiest, having had the longest time at home without daycare (thanks to grandparents nearby). I also have the best schedule I’ve ever had in my career, making things much less busy. I’ve been able to spend a lot more time with him and the older kids.

I don’t want this time to pass me by.

During each step of my training and motherhood, I’ve had to make special accommodations to make the most of my time with my kids.

How did I do it?

While in undergrad with my daughter, I took a ton of online classes so I could be home with her. In medical school with my son, I took off as much time as I could after having him. I also had a ton of help from friends and family to help care for him. My kids all started daycare pretty early, and we were blessed with awesome teachers. They took care of them just as good as (if not better than) I would.

In residency, we were lucky enough to have the kids at the daycare of the hospital where I did most of my rotations. This made it easy for me to breastfeed my stubborn youngest daughter who wouldn’t take a bottle, and to also sit and rock her or read to the older two when I had a quick break. My husband would also bring the kids over to the hospital to me for dinner if I was on a 30-hour call. Yes, we had dinner at the hospital multiple times and my kids actually came to love it!

My schedule was much better when I started working, compared to residency. But, it was still pretty demanding. I found myself spending a lot of time away from my kids, both at night and on the weekends. During that time, I relied on excellent child care, an awesome husband, and quality time at home with the kids when I was off. Now, I’m lucky enough to have a better schedule and an understanding employer. I no longer have to feel stressed about missing special moments. We’re able to spend a lot more time together now than ever before.

For so many years, I missed those special moments. I’ve missed first steps and the first times trying new foods. I’ve missed out on potty training, teaching new songs, and the basics of phonics and reading. Though it’s sad thinking about this, it’s a huge motivation to do better with the time I have now.

So, what now?

I don’t want this time to pass me by.

Now that I’ve been able to slow down, I realize how precious these moments truly are. With 3 kids changing schools this year, I’ve done a lot of reflection. They’re growing up lightning-fast, and it feels like time is really running away from me. My kids don’t seem to be scarred by the missed time early on, but I’m motivated to make the most of the time I still have left with them as young kids.

Yes, I’m still very busy, and I don’t always do a great job balancing it all. But, I know how important it is to just be there. To be present for them. I don’t want to miss out on anymore extra-special moments. So, whether that means taking a day off, canceling a lunch date with a friend, or holding off on cleaning the house – I’ve learned to do it.

I don’t want my kids to look back on this time and only remember that mommy was “always working”. It doesn’t make sense to work so hard just to make money that I can never spend with them. To them, it’s not about the money. That’s not what’s important. It’s about the hugs, kisses, and bedtime stories. The chaperoning of field trips. The presence at school events and sports activities. I don’t want this time to pass me by like it has in the past.

I want to be able to relish in the moments – big and small – with my kids. To look back on this time without regrets. I want them to know their mom was always there for them, no matter what. That she worked hard to set a great example for them, and to make their life fulfilling.

I may be playing catch up, but I’m ready for it!

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