Any mom knows that Motherhood is a long series of highs and lows, ups and downs. You kinda commit to this roller coaster for the rest of your life, not knowing where it’ll take you. Some days are absolutely rewarding and great, and some days…not so much. Each year, I try to spend some time on Mother’s Day reflecting on this roller coaster. Reflecting on my past year as a mom. Thinking about what went well, what didn’t go so well. What things I should do more of, and what I could get better at. Today, I reflected on my past year and a half, since our youngest was born. Here are my Mother’s Day Reflections: Becoming A Mom of 5.
His Birth Story
My youngest was born in November of 2017. He was actually born 2 weeks before my due date, but I was so ready for him to come! My pregnancy had been a bit of an emotional roller coaster in itself for me, and I was ready for it to be over. I worked until the end of this pregnancy – just like I had with my others – and unexpectedly went into labor around 3am that Sunday morning. Two weeks earlier, I had an ultrasound in my OB’s office that confirmed that everything was OK – his head was down, there was enough fluid, he was moving well.
But pretty soon after going into labor, the nurses at the hospital realized he was coming out feet first!
This was NOT what I wanted to hear. I was contracting every 2 minutes and exhausted. I had no idea how this was even possible. The kid barely had any room in there to move! But somehow, he did a somersault and ended up facing the wrong way. I knew right away what this meant. I’m not a fan of procedures to try to “flip” the baby, and neither was my OB. So a 5th vaginal delivery was likely no longer a possibility. Stubborn kid #5 wasn’t going to be like the rest of the tribe.
Delivery and Recovery
We went on with the c-section, and luckily it was uncomplicated. Through medical school, residency, and even now, I’ve watched dozens of c-sections, and have talked to hundreds of moms after theirs. None of that could’ve prepared me for the recovery process I had to go through myself. I was so used to being up and moving around the same day as my 4 vaginal deliveries.
But, that wasn’t the case with this c-section!
My hats off to the mothers out there who have endured multiple c-sections. It’s such a tough and unnatural process. To top it off, I had a baby who would only sleep if if he was being held, and itchiness all over like I‘d never experienced before (from my epidural). One of my nurses saw how tired and uncomfortable I was, and offered to take the baby for a few hours so I could rest. I hesitated briefly because I’d never once had to do that with any of my other babies – but this time I had to say yes!
Trying to Make It At Home
We made it through the hospital stay, and a lot of the same carried over to home. He still wouldn’t sleep. I was still in pain. And yet, I had 4 other children who needed my attention. Luckily, my husband was there, and we had help from close family. But it was still tough. My maternity leave was brief. I spent the first half of it just recovering from my c-section and figuring out how to rest – instead of truly enjoying my new son.
Back To Work
I had a tough, TOUGH time going back to work this time. For one, he was a terrible sleeper for months, and I was just purely exhausted. Getting up and ready in the morning, trying to be functional, was a chore. After I had my other babies, I was getting “bored” at home and needed to get back to work. Even for a few days a week. This time, I REALLY didn’t want to go back! I’m sure it was a combination of him being only my 2nd baby boy, and knowing he was likely our last. I really didn’t want to miss out on any part of him growing up.
Again, I was very lucky to have help. My husband or my mom stayed home with the baby when I went back to work. I was also able to pump at work without any problems, which help me to still feel connected to my little one at home throughout the day. Pumping isn’t fun. But I really tried to cherish this round of nursing and pumping because I knew it would be my last.
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His Siblings
Luckily, our older kids adjusted to the new baby extraordinarily well. I’m sure that having 4 years between the youngest and the new baby played a huge role in this. She was more interested in being a responsible big sister than being jealous of him. The kids all chipped in to help when they could, and still do! One major adjustment was having to tote him around to all of the kids’ activities, and trying to balance and keep track of all of their appointments and activities while taking care of a new baby.
Drifting Focus
After each new baby, my focus tends to naturally be on this new being. Unfortunately, that means that focus drifts away from my husband, from church, and even from my own self-care. This happened with son, especially since his delivery and recovery afterwards threw me for a loop. My regular routine of reading my bible, stretching and praying in the morning just wasn’t happening. I just couldn’t get it together! It honestly was just so hard to do anything else or really focus on anything else when I was so exhausted with a baby who just didn’t sleep!
What I’ve Learned Through All of This
This year and a half has really taught me a lot about myself, and a few life lessons.
Sleep is for babies (except mine!)
I used to think I needed 8 hours of sleep to be functional. This was already challenged years ago during residency, but this was really being tested nightly by this kid. I’ve had to learn to function on less sleep, and to catch up when I can. Mid-day naps are now a part of my regular routine, and I highly recommend them for anyone who needs it! I nap everyday at lunchtime, and all my co-workers know and expect it!
Multi-tasking and routines saves lives
Multi-tasking is a skill that I feel I’m working towards mastering. I regularly have to keep up with this busy little one, plus manage the household and schedules for all of the kids (plus my husband). Not to mention working full time! With that, I’ve realized the importance of structure and routines. My kids all know what’s expected of them in the mornings before school and in the evenings when they get home. They know what they need to do before they can relax or have free time. Knowing that I need quiet time to get things done, and time with my husband, making sure the kids stick to their routines and get to bed on time is so important!
No child left behind
It’s tough to equally divide attention amongst five children, but I’ve learned that positive attention usually equals better behavior. And, with 5, I need at least the majority of them to be on their best behavior! Spending one on one time with them whenever possible has helped a lot. This includes having lunch with them at school, letting them choose dinner for the night, being present at their events and activities, and tucking them in individually at night. Giving the other kids time to spend with me, without the baby whenever possible, has been so rewarding for each of them.
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Help is only a call away
This year has reminded me of the importance of help. My husband, mom, mother-in-law and other family and friends stepped in to help when we needed them. There’s no way we could do it all alone. No way we could get everything done, go where we need to, plus still enjoy some of our life – without outside help. We’re blessed to have people who still step in to help even though we have 5 kids!
Understanding employer + Good daycare = Less stress
I also realized the importance of an understanding employer and good child care. We have an awesome daycare, where our kids have been for the past 7 years. They have teachers, especially in the baby class, who absolutely love our kids and make it so easy to leave them there every morning. I also work in an office that is understanding and allows me to be a mom when I need to be. Having space and time for pumping was a priority for me. As well as being available for important school events, and when my children get sick.
Happy Wife, Happy Life
My husband and I realized we had to work extra-hard on our marriage with so many kids. I admit, it’s hard for me to be happy with a baby who doesn’t sleep! It was so important to focus on our marriage, since it’s the backbone of our household. Especially when things were getting tough and crazy. My husband and I spend time together nightly without the kids just to catch up. We’ve also taken a few mini vacations and have the occasional date night out to put our marriage back at the forefront.
Put your own oxygen mask on first
Self-care, including religious connections, has been vital. I realize that when I stop taking caring of myself, reading my bible and focusing on God, I just don’t feel great at all. I took up a dance class a few months after my son was born, and even made new friendships at the studio. It felt good to do something other than work and taking care of the new baby. Dance had always been a part of my life since I was young. It was nice to start again, even after so many years and so many children. Doing something physical also really helped to re-energize me, and I recommend it for any busy mom!
I also started to make a point again to set aside time for reading my bible and praying. Re-connecting with old friends, even after going months without talking, has also helped me to stay sane.
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“Let It Go, Let It Go”
I love a clean, organized house. I love order and things just going right. But being exhausted, I was just trying to keep my head above the water for so many months. With 5 kids running around, I’ve come to accept a few things. My house won’t be spic and span or quiet. The laundry won’t always be clean, folded, and put away. My kids won’t always be well-behaved or get along. But this is my life. One day I’ll miss it. So I have to roll with the ups and downs of motherhood and just “Let It Go”!
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