Have you ever felt like you and your spouse were just “passing in the wind”? Sure, you live in the same house, but life can get so busy sometimes that it seems like you’re just coexisting. You both have so many responsibilities everyday. Your career, your kids, their activities, household stuff. It’s so easy to neglect the one relationship that’s the most important, when we’re wrapped up doing everything else. So, what do you do? How do you find time to nourish your marriage? Of course, there’s a ton of elaborate date nights and activities out there. But who has time for that?Believe it or not, it’s actually quite easy to have nightly date nights with your spouse. You just have to really be intentional about it.
My firm belief is that a marriage and the relationship between parents is the foundation to any household. Focusing on your marriage can truly produce happier children and a happier home in general. So start where you are. Start with whatever is simplest for you and your spouse – whatever you have time for – just do it!.
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How We Do It
My husband has football season tickets for the Miami Dolphins and University of Miami Hurricanes – he’s a huge fan of both. Most of the time, he and I go to these games together (though I’m still a Florida Gator at heart!). At the games, we’re surrounded by hundreds of other people, but we still have a lot of fun together just being ourselves. We’ve even traveled to Texas together for a game, which was a great weekend away, just he and I. During football season, we know we at least have these “date nights” scheduled, and it’s always something to look forward to. Of course, we have the usual movie dates, restaurants, concerts, and work events where we’ve gone on date nights as well.
With 5 kids, it’s tough for us to have a regularly scheduled date night. It’s such a process getting everything coordinated, and there always seems to be something going on. While we like going out together, there’s really nothing like spending quality one-on-one time together nightly. Just “mommy-daddy time”.
Our Nightly Routine
For our family, the first 2-3 hours after we get home from work and school can be crazy. There’s dinner, homework, baths, and bedtime routines that have to be accomplished each night.
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I enjoy spending time with the kids each night, and make the most of it because I haven’t seen them for most of the day. But, I’ll be honest and say that I also look forward to the time that they’re settled in bed, and I can focus on myself and my husband.
He and I don’t even have to do much – we may sit on the couch side by side, finishing up our work from earlier in the day. Or we watch our favorite show, binge watch a series – whatever we have time for. Most nights, at least for part of the night, we just talk. We catch up on the other’s day at work, talk about what’s been on our mind lately, things that are going well and not so well, any current events, etc. Some nights, we sit and talk about our future – what our plans are for the next week, month, sometimes even the year. These kid-free times are helpful for us to reconnect, with as little distraction as possible.
Something To Look Forward To
I can’t wait for this time every night. It helps me to remember that I’m not alone in this working and child-rearing thing. It helps me to connect on a deeper level with my husband, just me and him. The time I can catch up with my best friend, the person who knows me better than anyone else in the world. It doesn’t happen perfectly every night, and I miss it when it doesn’t. Here are some practical ways you can enhance your marriage – and all your many relationships, for that matter.
If you don’t have a regular nightly “date night” with your husband, I encourage you to try it! It can really help you decompress at the end of the day and reaffirm why you fell in love with your husband in the first place. Start by trying just once a week, or once a month. Nothing fancy. Nothing official. If you or your husband have to travel, try Skype or FaceTime. It doesn’t have to be long. Try setting aside just 15 minutes, and go longer when you can. Try your best to make it happen, and I promise it’ll help you to reconnect and refresh your marriage, in the midst of all the chaos life throws at you.
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Such great advice! For so many years, my husband and I never set aside time for ourselves but we started doing it a few years ago and it’s made such a difference! Thank you for sharing!
We’ve noticed a huge difference in our relationship, too! I admit, with each new baby, there’s a period of time where our nightly time together falls off, and we can see the disconnect. But, it’s so much better when we spend that quality time together.
We do this as often as we can too!! Hubby works a lot of nights so when he is home we make the best of our evening together once the little ones go to sleep
That’s awesome! Keep it up! Every little bit helps!
Although we don’t have children yet, the stress of 12 hour work days, school and a year of fertility treatments can be straining. Each night at the end of the day, we sit in bed and talk about our days before watching a favorite show and going to sleep. I absolutely love (and need) our nightly date nights!
It’s so important to start now before the kids! I admit, our time together falls for a few months after each kid has been born, but we try our best to get back into a regular habit as soon as we can.
My husband and I got into the habit of going to different rooms after the baby goes to sleep. We never get time to ourselves (as individuals) and while this is the only time we get (at night), I think incorporating a few nights of being together just to hang out and refresh will be helpful. I know it sounds silly that we don’t, but we spend a lot of time together during the day since we both work from home. But it isn’t the same as exclusive time together. Thanks for this!
I understand! Everyone’s situation is different. I know if I was at home with my husband all day, I would probably need a break too 😊. But, taking that time to reconnect without distractions on a regular basis is still so important!