Are you a mom with a special needs child, struggling to find time for yourself or the rest of your family?
I hear you.
The other day, I met the mom of a little boy with a genetic disorder. Her son couldn’t walk or talk. He expressed himself by smiling, laughing or crying. And he relied on his mom for all of his care. She explained to me that he was one of 3 kids. She and her husband divorced when he was younger, and his dad didn’t feel comfortable taking care of him. When his dad did come for a visit, he would take the other 2 kids out – but not her disabled son. The family also didn’t have any relatives nearby. So this mom rarely got a break. I know she HAD to be exhausted.
But, looking at her, you wouldn’t know it.
She kept impeccable records on her child with special needs. Every test, specialist visit, hospital stay. His medication list, allergies – anything you needed to know about him, she had it all neatly organized.
But what about the other kids?
She admitted, her records for the other kids weren’t quite as accurate. They were generally healthy and didn’t have quite the medical record.
I could tell most of her focus was on her son. She realized it and felt so guilty.
So how do you succeed at taking care of siblings (and yourself) with a special needs child?
I know it isn’t easy, but here are a few tips:
Set aside some one-on-one time
This isn’t always easy with multiple kids. But, I recommend being intentional about it. Set aside some time for each kid – whether its nightly, weekly, or monthly. You don’t have to do anything “extravagant” during this time. Reading a story, going for a walk, playing a game, putting together a puzzle, or just sitting face-to-face talking are all simple things you can do. Let your child choose. Most importantly, try your best to limit distractions and give just one child their moment. Your kids will LOVE you for it. It also works wonders at decreasing sibling rivalry.
For more ideas, grab my FREE Nourishment Planner, which includes a list of 20 simple ways you can spend time with your kids.
Involve siblings in daily care
If your kids are old enough, get them involved in caring for their special needs sibling. That way, you’ll be spending time together accomplishing a task. It’ll also help your other children to understand exactly why their sibling needs so much attention. Plus, its a huge lesson in compassion and caring for others that’ll hopefully extend beyond the walls of your home.
Use your resources
There are tons of resources available for children with special needs. I recommend contacting your child’s insurance company and your local school system to find out which services your child qualifies for. These services will hopefully make your life a little easier, and help you redirect some time and energy towards your other kids. Here’s a list of resources on the national level. And for those in my home state, here are resources from the Early Learning Coalition of Florida.
Ask for help
I know life with a special needs child can be exhausting. And you’re likely in it for the long haul, since your child may never be able to live independently. So, please be sure to reach out for help from your spouse, other family members, friends – anyone you can trust. If you don’t want to burden them with taking care of your children, I’m sure those around will be glad to help with chores, meal prep, etc. Don’t be ashamed to make your needs known.
Don’t forget about self-care
As moms, it’s easy for us to get so wrapped up in our kids’ needs, that we forget about our own. Having a child with special needs magnifies this. Be sure to set aside time for yourself. Be intentional. Put it on your schedule. Get up earlier than your kids, or go to bed later to fit in your “me-time” if you have to. Take a break from child care every once in a while to refresh yourself. Treat yourself to a weekend away, your favorite meal, a spa day, movie, or a really good nap! Also, stay involved in activities or hobbies that you love, so that you don’t feel like you’re losing yourself. This post shares tips for taking care of yourself if you have a hard time doing it – like me!
You can also join my 7-day Self-Care Challenge below! I’m here to help you to be more intentional in making yourself a priority.
Let’s face it, being a mom is probably the most difficult, but also most rewarding role you’ll ever have. You may not always feel that way when you have a special needs child. But, know that you were chosen to be that child’s mama for a reason. You can do this! I’m rooting for you!
Do you have any other tips for taking care of siblings (and yourself) when you have a special needs child? I’d love to hear and share them! Just leave them in the comments below.
If you’re looking for a simple way to show your kids some love (or to help your kids show those around them some love), grab my printable “Love Notes For Kids” by filling out the box below. It includes 24 notes with encouraging messages you (and your kids) can use on a regular basis.
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