Ever wonder whether your kids are truly grateful? You cook for them, clean up behind them, and make sure they have clean clothes wear. You take care of them when they’re sick, and you’re their personal chauffeur to school and all their activities. But, you don’t always get the “thank you” you deserve. More and more, our kids are being born into a world of entitlement. A world where “I appreciate you” is no longer said or expressed. Teaching your kids to be grateful can be hard. So, how do you do it?

A third-world perspective

Back when I was in Medical School, I was lucky enough to go on a Medical Mission trip to Honduras. Our team cared for families that walked so many miles just to see the “American doctors”. They came from homes that could barely stand up and had so little. When they heard we were coming, they jumped on the opportunity to have their long-standing illnesses finally taken care of.

Some of them only required minor wound care. Others required major operations. But, no matter how bad things were for them, they said “thank you” and “God Bless you” to the members of my team more times than we could count. These people were so poor. They had so little. And yet they were the most content and grateful people I’ve ever met in my life. This was true from the adults down to the young children.

Our world

My kids are lucky to have a pretty comfortable life. They’ve visited with other children and families who don’t have quite what they have. They have friends from unstable homes, who are in foster care, or whose families just can’t afford for them to participate in every field trip or extra-curricular activity they want.

My older kids realize the difference and do appreciate what they have for the most part. But, kids aren’t born knowing this difference. Babies are born self-centered. They don’t know you’re doing something special for them or sacrificing for them. That’s why toddlers have a hard time sharing and everything to them is “MINE!”. It’s up to us as parents to teach them otherwise.

Studies have shown that grateful people are happier and more optimistic about life. Grateful people also have lower stress and levels of depression. Don’t you want that for your kids and for yourself?

Here are a few ways we can be intentional in teaching our kids to be grateful:

Teach gratefulness for everyday things

Most of us take food, shelter, clothes, and transportation for granted. They’re so important for us to function every day, but we get so used to having our basic needs met, that we forget to be grateful for them. Remind your kids to show appreciation for these important, but forgotten things every single day.

Saying “thank you”

From the moment your child begins to talk, teach him to say “thank you”. Whenever he gets something he wants, or when someone does something for him, he should say it. Help him to make the connection between receiving something and being thankful for it.

Earning things

There is value in hard work! If your child works for something, he’s more likely to take care of it and to be grateful for it. I’ve always been against “participation trophies” or giving kids things they don’t deserve. It waters down the true value of the thing. Kids have to learn that anything worth having is worth working for. Working hard in school and doing chores are great ways for your children to earn the things they love.

Donating (good) things

At least twice a year, we clean out things in our house we’re no longer using, and donate them to Goodwill. My kids understand that these things are going to families that don’t have as much as they do, and it’s important for us to share. The key is that we only give away things that are still in good condition.

Stop buying “stuff”

It’s so important to get away from buying things just because. We buy things for birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays just because that’s been the tradition. It’s what our kids expect. But, when kids get so overwhelmed with “stuff”, it tends to lose its value. They end up appreciating it less. Honestly, the more we give them, the less they value it. So, rather than giving “stuff”, start giving “experiences” or things they’ll actually use for more than a week.

Not wasting things

Almost every day, my kids will hear me complain about the wasted cups of juice they poured out, the open bottles of water, or the food they didn’t finish. Teaching kids to be grateful for the things they have, and to not waste things is so important. It’ll also save you a whole lot of money!

Write thank you notes

I’ve gotten my kids into the habit of writing thank you notes when they receive gifts, especially for their birthdays. If a note isn’t written, they’ll at least make a phone call to express their thanks. Of course, I have to remind them most of the time. But, they know it’s expected.

Read cards that come with gifts

My kids love to just get down to opening their presents on birthdays and Christmas. Most times, they don’t even look to see who the gift is from! I try to get them to read the cards, to get the special message in it. That way, they also know who gave them the gift and can make the connection. The gift didn’t just come from nowhere. Someone took their time to pick it out and give it especially for them. So they should be grateful for it.

Serving others

Your children can start volunteering their time at a young age. This can be at a homeless shelter, food bank, tutoring, or in small ways in their day-to-day lives. Kids should learn the value of serving others. Volunteering opens their eyes and shows them that not everyone has the things they have, or can do the things they can.

My 6-year-old ties one of her classmate’s shoes almost daily because he doesn’t know how to. She doesn’t pick on him for not knowing. She’s just there to help. She’s grateful that she knows how to tie her shoe, and she shares that with her classmate.

Saying no

It’s so important for us as parents to learn to say “no” to our kids. They can’t always get what they want (especially if they didn’t earn it). If you always say “yes”, it starts to lose its value. When your kids start to hear more “no’s” they’ll be more grateful when they actually do get a “yes” from you.

Be an example

As parents, we have to demonstrate gratitude to our kids. Tell your kids how grateful you are for your family, your job, your house, car, health, etc. The more grateful we are, the more likely we are to raise grateful kids. You can even make a habit with your kids to say one thing you’re all grateful for out loud every single day. Don’t wait for Thanksgiving to start thinking about gratitude.

Gratitude Jar

A few years ago, one of my sorority sisters shared the idea of a gratitude jar. All you need is a jar and several small slips of paper. Throughout the year, whenever something memorable happens to your child, encourage him to write it down on a slip of paper and stick it in the jar. Your child can read over the slips at the end of the year, or anytime throughout the year. I encourage you to keep your own jar as well. This way, you have a constant reminder of all the things you have to be grateful for.

Teaching your child gratitude makes him self-less, more responsible, and a better adult in the future. A grateful child makes your life a little easier as a mom, too. So why not make the effort to start teaching your kids to be grateful now?

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