Valentine’s Day will never be the same for us.
February 14, 2018, was a day off from work for me. My husband and I met up for a “romantic” Valentine’s Day lunch at Honey Baked Ham with our 3 month old son. We enjoyed a nice, quiet lunch, hugged and kissed as usual. Then he went back to work and I went back home with the baby. About 20 minutes after getting home, my cousin sent me a text asking, “Are you all OK?”. I had no idea what she was talking about. Then she explained – there had been a shooting at a school near us. My first thought was that my 4 other children were still at school!
Here I am prancing around at a midday Valentine’s lunch, while my kids could potentially be in danger.
My mind went racing about tragedies like Columbine and Sandy Hook. And so many others that are now way too familiar.
Too close to home
I turned on the news to see that the shooting was at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas HS, only 15 minutes away from where my children were in school. FIFTEEN MINUTES! Right away, I left to pick them up – even though the shooter was still on the loose. I was just determined to see their faces and to hug them tight! My younger kids were confused about what was going on. The two in Elementary school knew that “something” happened, but didn’t know what. My youngest, in preschool, was just upset that she had to come in from the playground early! My oldest, unfortunately, had heard what happened (gotta love technology and the internet). We got home and just tried to have a normal day, but I couldn’t help but to stay consumed by the tragedy.
I remember following the Facebook pages of some of the affected families as they sent out messages pleading for anyone with information on their loved ones. Some of them resulted in good news – their loved one was just fine. While others had heart-wrenching new to deliver – that their loved one was one of the 17 killed in this tragedy. I couldn’t imagine being in their shoes.
One year after the Parkland tragedy, our community faced even more tragedy, with the news of 2 student suicides related to the Parkland tragedy. We realize that our students still need support, even this far out.
So, what are some ways that we can continue to provide support to our children in the aftermath of the Parkland Tragedy? And any such tragedy?
Talk to/reassure your children
My oldest daughter had a difficult time with it all at first. It was tough to talk about. We had a tough time sleeping the first few nights. But we made it through by eventually having her to just talk out her feelings, and reassuring her safety. We explained to our elementary school-aged children that something bad happened in our area, but they understood that they were safe. My husband (our protector!) played a huge role in this as well – he’s actually VERY good at getting the kids to think and to talk out their feelings.
I’ve been blessed with children who love to talk and express themselves. Our rides home from school are always filled with so many stories from their day on a regular basis, and this was especially critical during this time. Their lives at school changed a lot following this incident. The schools continue to have increased police presence, single points of entry, code red “active shooter” drills – all reminders of 2/14/18. We still have to check in about all of this every so often to make sure they’re OK.
Allowing children to just express themselves however they choose to in the light of any tragedy is important. Whether that is through talking, crying, drawing, dancing, playing, writing – whatever works best for them. They just need to know that someone is there to support them, no matter what.
Encourage involvement in activities
Keeping life as normal as possible also helped us to make it through this ordeal. The kids were able to get their minds off of the tragedy by just being active and focusing on things other than school and the negative thoughts associated with it. I encourage you, in any tragedy, to help your kids return to their normal routines as soon as possible.
Seek professional help
Some children or teenagers have a hard time talking to their parents about sensitive subjects, and I absolutely get it. So, if you feel your child may be leading down the path of anxiety, depression, PTSD or even suicide, I recommend seeking professional help for them ASAP. A psychologist can help with counseling, grief, coping mechanisms, etc. A psychiatrist is important for prescription medication if necessary. Our teens deal with so much on a regular basis. It’s so important for us to help and guide them through.
It’s easy as busy parents to not always be in tune with our children and their every needs. It’s so important, though, since we’re typically the first ones to be able to sense any changes in them that come about as a result of tragedy. We can actually do something about it early enough to prevent anymore unfortunate situations like the recent suicides, or the tragedy itself! The biggest thing that has helped in our home is just plain talking and spending time together as a family.
Do you have any other suggestions on ways to support our children through tragedy? Share them in the comments below!
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