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Puberty is a crazy time! Times have changed, and girls are headed into puberty earlier than we did years ago. But a few things remain the same. The mood swings. The emotions. All the crazy feelings and uncertainties that come with being a teenager, being female, and going through puberty. With puberty starting as young as age 9, I’ve been seeing more and more families who are struggling with the wide range of emotions their daughters cycle through. She may be happy and smiling one minute, but then something is said or done that just upsets her for the rest of the day. Your teen may be more sensitive and get upset easier than she used to. Some days, she may ruin the mood in the house for everyone.

And you thought raising a toddler was rough?

So, what do you do?

How do you go about handling your daughter’s emotions during puberty?

We’ll get there.

But first, why does this happen?

Your teen changes A LOT during puberty. Physically and emotionally. Add to that the social stressors that are out of her control, and the pressure of trying to adapt and “grow up”.

Physical changes

Of course, your daughter’s body will change during puberty. Hormones play a huge role in this. She’ll get breasts, pubic hair and hair under her arms. Her voice may change, her hips will widen, she may get acne and may gain weight. She’ll also likely be taller than some boys, who are going through puberty a little later. Add to that the annoyance of her period. All of these physical changes can be a lot for a young girl to handle all at once. It can leave her self-conscious – especially if she’s developing earlier or later than everyone else.

Social changes

As your daughter heads into puberty, she’ll likely be faced with social stressors that’ll trigger her mood swings. She’s likely to have some “girl drama”. Her best friend may stab her in the back. There’s peer pressure, demands at school, balancing extra-curricular activities, conflicts at home, “crushes”, etc. She’s leaving the carefree life of a child, and moving on to learning how to handle all the stress that comes with being a teenager. These all add up and can cause her mood to change at a moment’s notice.

During puberty, she develops a wide range of emotions, but she doesn’t quite know how to regulate and handle them all. That comes with maturity and experience.

What can you do about it?

Here are my 12 tips for handling your daughter’s emotions during puberty:

Reassure your teen (and yourself!) that emotional changes are a normal part of puberty. It’s OK to express herself. To get scared, confused, irritated or angry at times. But not OK for her to hold on to these feelings long-term. And not OK to just hold it all inside.

Be sure that she’s getting enough sleep. Ideally 8-10 hours per day. This is important since a lack of sleep can trigger mood swings. This may mean limiting screen time and distractions before bedtime. And teaching her to plan her day, her schoolwork, and activities so that her obligations don’t interfere with her getting enough sleep.

Encourage a well-balanced diet. Like sleep, a poor diet can also tie into mood swings. Family dinners are a great way to make sure she’s fitting in good meals. They can also be a great bonding time for the entire family.

Encourage your teenager to talk. If she’s comfortable talking to you – go for it! If she’d prefer to talk to someone else, that’s OK too. As long as that person is mature, reliable, and will give her the best advice.

Stay calm and really listen when she does come to talk to you. Don’t downplay her feelings. Acknowledge them and let her know that her thughts and feelings

Give her some quiet time. If she just needs some time to process her feelings, give her that space. It’s better than her lashing out because she wasn’t ready to talk! Let her know you’re there to talk when she needs you.

Give her an outlet. Encourage journaling, drawing, dancing, participation in sports, theater – any outlet that allows her to truly express herself and get all those emotions out.

Be sure that the rules of your household are clear. Even if she’s dealing with a wide range of emotions, respect is still a must. No yelling, screaming, cursing, put-downs, etc. You still have to be in charge of your household.

Practice what you preach. Set a good example when you’re faced with a difficult situation. You may not always realize it, but your teenager is watching and learning from you every single day. Be the example that you want her to follow. Don’t lose your cool.

Praise her when she handles situations maturely. Point out when she does the right thing. This way she won’t feel like you’re always down on her and only pointing out her faults.

Don’t solve her problems for her. Of course, you should provide her with guidance and help her with problem-solving. But allow her to fix her problems on her own. Sometimes we do too much for our children.

Spend one-on-one time together. Do it as often as you can. Reassure her that you’re there for her at ALL times, not just when things are bad. You can grab my FREE Nourishment Planner for 20 simple ways to spend time with your teen on a regular basis.

What if it doesn’t get better?

Like I mentioned before, it’s normal for your teen’s emotions to cycle up and down. It’s unhealthy, however, if it is truly ruining your family life, their friendships and social circles. It shouldn’t get to the point of true anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses. Bad moods also shouldn’t last for more than 2 weeks.

If you’ve tried all of the above, and things don’t seem to be getting better, it’s time to get her some help. Reach out to your teen’s Pediatrician for suggestions on a qualified mental health professional to help your teen and your family. If suicide is a concern, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) right away.

I’ll leave you with a little reassurance. Mood swings should get better as your daughter gets older and learns how to cope with the “adult” issues of life. They may not completely go away (I know a lot of women who still struggle with this – I admit, even myself at times!). But, it should get better as she grows and becomes better equipped to handle what life throws her way. Family support and appropriate guidance are so important in order for this to happen. So, commit to being there for her no matter what. She needs you!

If you’re looking for ways to support your teenager, download printable “Love Notes For Kids” by filling out the box below. It includes 24 notes you can use to encourage your kids on a regular basis. Your teen is never too old for you to show him some love! You never know – just ONE little note can really make a difference. You’ll also get access to my Resource Library with tons of helpful printables and checklists, plus my weekly newsletter to help you balance your many roles. Check it out!

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