A chance encounter

Meetings like this don’t happen everyday, so I was happy to talk to her and to just pick her brain about her life and career. We talked for over an hour. And I quickly realized how very different our lives were. She was a single, never-married Caucasian woman, with 1 dog and no children. She had completed a Ph.D. prior to receiving her M.D., completed a Pediatric Residency, worked for a few years in Pediatrics, then went back for Psychiatry training. On the other hand, I was a married African-American woman with 5 children. I had an M.D. and had worked for 7 years so far in Pediatrics.

Me vs Her

Throughout our conversation, she kept commenting on how happy I seemed to be with my life and how envious she was that I had such a large family and was still able to “make it” in my career at a young age. All the while, I was sitting back envious of her ability to accomplish so much in her life without being tied down by really anything. In my mind, she had the ultimate flexibility – being able to focus on her career without the sacrifices that come with marriage and raising a family. She’s able to come and go as she pleases without having to check to make sure she has childcare, or whether or not her husband needs her for something.

She only has one schedule to maintain, not seven! I’m sure her home and car are much quieter and cleaner than mine – without milk and apple juice spills or crumbs. Without bickering and tattling. Without dirty clothes being left where they shouldn’t be. Her grocery bill is probably no where close to mine compare! Her expenses, I’m sure, are way less.

I’m sure this woman’s family and friends appreciated the fact that she was so available to them – that she could drop what she was doing most times to attend to their needs. Meanwhile those who know me know that outside things have to be scheduled around date nights, naptime, bedtime, kids activities, etc. Last minute changes are almost impossible in my world.

The Bright Side

I know her patients are grateful for the wealth of knowledge that came in her one package – M.D./Ph.D./Pediatrics/Psychiatry. While on the other hand, I know my patients cherish the fact that I’m living the same life they are, raising children of my own, and can relate on their level.

I had to remind myself that she probably gets much less hugs and
kisses everyday. She doesn’t get to kiss the “boo boos” that I do everyday. She
doesn’t get to hear about the crazy things that happened in Middle School that
day or to participate in the in-home dance parties and concerts that I do. She
doesn’t get the field trips, dance and gymnastics recitals, softball and
football games, carnivals, trips to Disney. She doesn’t get to thrive in the
good and the bad with a husband and 5 kids.

Same Pediatrician, Different Worlds

I realized that we were both sitting there, so envious of each other’s worlds. Yet, the reality is that our two very different worlds are what work for “us”. Sure, at any given moment, I may be exhausted, stressed, and have difficulty balancing it all. But I’m always surrounded by love and lots and lots of noise! There’s hardly ever a quiet time in our house if the kids are awake. While I’m certain at her house she lives mostly in silence. With the “norm” that I’ve been used to for so many years, I’m not sure how I could cope with anything else!

I was so happy for this chance encounter. It allowed me to take a step back and to be grateful for the “organized chaos” in my life. My life could have been very different, like this woman’s, if I had chosen it. But I honestly don’t think I’d have it any other way! It’s All About Perspective!

For more on the topics of perspective and comparison, visit this post: Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

This post was also feature on the Women In White Coats Blog!

Mommy Doc vs Woman Doc

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