Do you remember what life was like as a teenager? I remember getting my first job, my first car, and cheering at football games. I wanted to be an adult so bad, and was trying to figure my life out. I craved freedom, but was limited by my parents trying to keep me safe. Now, as the mom of a teen, I know what I put my parents through! The worry, the stress, the mood swings, and attitude. But, like every other stage, it’s a stage that passes by so quickly. Though I’m still in the early years of being a mom to a teenager, I’ll share with you what I’ve learned so far. Here’s my best advice to moms of teens, from a mommy doc perspective. Thank you to the readers who also contributed to this post!
Listen
When your teen wants to talk, sit by you or hold your hand, stop what you’re doing and give them your attention. Even if that moment doesn’t involve a big scary topic they need to talk about, it shows them you will give them your attention whenever that big scary topic comes up, whatever it is. (Missy Jones)
It’s OK to say no
Sometimes there’s more love in a “no” than in a “yes” (Ednaida Cintron). We have to teach our teens that sometimes we actually know better!
Apologize when you’re wrong
Listen to your teen (even if it’s something you have zero interest in). Hug them and tell them you love them no matter what. Apologize when you know you were wrong. They will respect you more for it. (Sally Benitez)
Your teen’s feelings are valid
Your teenager has feelings – a lot of them! So, don’t be quick to dismiss them. Let him know his feelings and opinions are valid. Your teen deserves to be heard, whether you agree with his stance or not.
Watch out for cyberbullying
Monitor your teen’s use of the internet, cell phones, ipads, etc. There are a lot of BIG dangers out there on the web, so it’s important that you protect your teen. Let him know not to give out personal information. Don’t post things on social media that he’ll regret later. Don’t allow hidden passwords on devices that you don’t know. If you pay for it, you should have access to it! Your teen should have a certain degree of privacy, but only if you can trust him.
Watch for behavior changes
The suicide rate in teens is way higher than it should be. Watch for signs of anxiety and depression, and be sure to have any issues addressed early on by a professional.
Start to let go
Give your teen the freedom to make choices, and to learn by making mistakes. I learned a lot of good lessons from my mistakes and failures! Don’t hold a tight leash on your teen. Don’t clean up all of his mistakes. Give him guidance, but teach him to fix things himself.
Teach money management
Whether your teen earns money through an allowance or a job. Teach him how to save, to not splurge, and to stay out of debt. If you’re not so great at money management, have your teen learn from someone who is!
Teach time management and setting priorities
Your teen needs to learn how to balance school, work, extra-curricular activities, and fun with friends. Don’t do it for him – have him maintain his own calendar and learn to prioritize the important and not-so-important things.
Have the hard talks
You want your teen to learn about puberty, relationships, sex, smoking, drugs, and alcohol from you. Don’t wait for him to hear about it from his friends. You never know what they’ll teach him!
Keep your teen’s yearly check-up
After 7th grade, your child may not have any more “required” vaccines until it’s time for college. But, he should still have his annual well visits. That way, he’ll stay on track for his Meningitis, Human Papilloma Virus, and annual Flu vaccines.
You’ll always be wrong
Accept that your teen probably thinks you’re wrong most of the time. But with time, he’ll realize you were right all along. It just takes a few years for that to happen!
You’re raising the future
Your children (and mine!) will be the ones running this country in a few years. They’ll be adults, with their own families. Keep this in mind while you’re raising your child. We want the future to be bright for all of us!
Let your teen talk
Allow your teen to be as open and honest with you as they want, without judgment of their thoughts and feelings. But, if he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to, make sure he has a responsible adult to talk to. This can be a teacher, counselor, aunt, uncle, or family friend. Your teen needs a safe place to express his feelings and to get reliable advice.
Don’t knock teenage love
I met my husband when I was 13, and I’ve loved him ever since! We went our separate ways for a little while in college, but came back full circle, like we never missed a beat. Big things can come from teenage love if you let it. It can be a deep, long-lasting thing, as long as the relationship is a healthy one. Be sure to be there for your teen if he does get hurt.
Don’t tolerate disrespect
Your teen lives in your house. He still has to abide by your rules, no matter how old or big he thinks he is. Don’t allow yelling, talking bad, disrespect, slamming doors, etc. He may not always be your “best bud” all of the time. He may actually really dislike you some days. But, that still doesn’t mean you deserve disrespect. Continue to provide rewards and consequences for good and bad behavior. Don’t raise a spoiled brat. Remember you’re raising the future!
Do you have any other tips for moms of teens? Leave a comment below!
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