Let’s face it. There’s a whole lot going on in the world right now. A lot of talk about racism. Adults – both black and white – are having conversations we aren’t used to having. Difficult conversations. But necessary ones. Talking to your kids about racism may be more important now than ever before.

They may see you watching the news, or checking updates on your phone. Or, if your kids are anything like mine, they’re listening in on the conversations between you and your hubby or friends. Older kids may have come across things on the internet. Your kids may not know exactly what’s going on, but they know something‘s up. And even if they don’t know, what better time for talking to your kids about racism than now?

Why talk to kids about racism?

If we want to get rid of racism, we have to start where it begins. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), babies as young as 6 months can see differences based on race. And toddlers can start to recognize biases related to race by age 3. By the time your kids are 12, they’re pretty set in their racial beliefs. So, it’s so important for all of us, as parents, to start the conversation early if we want our kids to grow up in an anti-racist world.

The AAP recognizes that racism has a negative impact on child and adolescent health. It’s clear that African-Americans have worse outcomes in so many health categories, and a lot of that has to do with discrimination. Plus, the social rejection, bullying, and mistreatment that comes with racism have lasting effects on the mental health of kids (and adults).

How do you talk to kids about racism?

Check yourself

The very first step is to sit back and reflect. Think about your own biases and deal with them. Make a point to control them and do better.

Set a positive example

Watch the things you do and say, because your kids are watching you – even when you don’t think they are. Expand your social circle so that it includes people who don’t look like you. Invite others in, and truly get to know them. Educate yourself about people who are a little different than you so you can learn to appreciate what they bring to the table. When your kids see the example you’ve set, they’ll hopefully follow suit.

Be real with your kids

It’s OK to explain to your kids that certain groups have been treated differently because of the color of their skin. Share your personal experiences with racism – whether on the giving or receiving end. Make it a learning experience. Encourage your kids to be different. To stick up for others who may be experiencing racism around them. To be kind to everyone – no matter the color of their skin. And to treat everyone as their equal.

Beyond The Golden Rule is a great resource that goes a little deeper and gives age-based suggestions on talking to your kids about prejudice.

Instill pride in your own culture

It’s important for your kids to know about their history and culture. That way, they can be proud and stand firm when they’re being discriminated against. Practice traditions, cook traditional meals, read books, talk to family members. These are all ways to help your child love and identify themselves.

Expose your kids to other cultures

Don’t keep your kids in a bubble. Travel outside of your neighborhood if you have to, so they’re aware that other cultures exist. Encourage your kids to talk to kids at school that may look a little different than them. Exposure to other cultures helps your kids to learn, understand, love, and respect them. Here’s a link list of children’s books that touch on race relations. Using books, toys, or videos can help with this exposure. But, there’s nothing like real, genuine relationships. It’s hard to love someone you know nothing about!

How do you talk about what’s happening now?

Check in

Get an understanding of what your child knows about the recent events. Ask questions and truly listen to the responses. Allow your child to ask questions, and answer as truthfully as possible. Your child should know that you’re a “safe” place and a good source for info.

Some questions to ask (based on your child’s maturity):

• Do you know what happened?
• How do you feel about what happened?
• Do you understand why people are angry?
• What does it mean to protest?
• Have you ever felt like you were treated differently because of the color of your skin?
• Have you ever witnessed someone being treated differently because of the color of their skin?
• What can you do to make sure you’re treated fairly?
• What can you do to make sure other people are treated fairly?

If you’re looking for more help with getting the conversation started, download a printable with Racism Conversation Starters For Kids below.

Limit media exposure

Your kids may not be ready for everything that’s being broadcast on the news. Let’s keep it real – the murder of George Floyd was graphic and horrific. And it’s still all over the internet and news media. As parents, we can get the message across to our kids without them actually see the footage. Talking to your kids about racism doesn’t have to be graphic. It’s important for you to have control of what your child sees. Limit their exposure to the media – especially social media. Only allow access when you’re around. You can watch the news together with your older children, and have discussions about what you hear.

We want our kids to be alert and aware, but some things just weren’t meant for kids to see.

(I, myself, am having nightmares and wish I could “unsee” the videos I’ve seen)

Reassure

You may not be able to “fix” the world right now, but at least reassure your child that you’re doing your best to keep him safe. Let him know exactly how you’re doing that. (“I am keeping you safe by…..”)

Monitor

Keep the lines of communication open. Remind your child that there’s nothing off-limits for you to talk about. If you’re starting to notice any behavior changes – like sadness, withdrawal, aggression, or anxiety – don’t ignore them.

Reach out for help

If your child is having a hard time coping, reach out to his pediatrician or mental health professional. As parents, we may be capable of guiding our kids through a lot, but we can’t do everything. Don’t be ashamed to reach out for the help your child needs. And make sure your child knows it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Be an advocate

If you have a child who’s motivated to take a stand – encourage it! Have your kids write a letter to your elected officials. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just simple and from the heart. Sign a petition. Donate money to groups fighting for change such as: Color of Change, Nationwide Bailout, NAACP Legal Defense and Education Fund, Black Lives Matter. Participate in local groups that support anti-racism.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if our kids could grow up in a world without racism? I encourage you to make this an ongoing discussion. Use any moment of discrimination as a teaching moment for your kids. Don’t let the momentum of this movement die down. Policy change and voting in the right leaders is definitely important. But until we make an intentional effort to raise our kids right, the cycle will only continue. The fight against racism starts at home.

No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.

Nelson Mandela

Other resources

This list of children’s books is another awesome starting point for conversations about race.

Do you have any other tips for talking to your kids about racism? I’d love to hear them! Please leave them in the comments below.

Don’t forget to download your printable Racism Conversation Starters For Kids. This is a conversation that needs to be had!

And if you’re looking for a simple way to show your kids some love (or to help your kids show those around them some love), grab my printable “Love Notes For Kids” as a part of my Balanced Mom Toolbox below. It includes 24 notes with encouraging messages you (and your kids) can use on a regular basis.

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