Bryce Gowdy. I didn’t even know his name until a few weeks ago. But, now it’s stuck in my head. His name may not mean much to a lot of people. Though it’s a name that had the potential to be great in just a few years. But his life was cut short. HE cut his life short. I can’t speak for him. I don’t know exactly what was going through his mind. But my heart hurts knowing that he was in a position where he felt there was no other choice. That life was no longer worth living. That he’s better off not being here with the rest of us. We have a teen suicide crisis in our country that we really need to start talking about.
Weeks ago, my oldest daughter and I were talking about one of her high school’s star football players who committed to Georgia Tech. Then, a few days ago, my daughter told me that same football player was hit by a train and died.
This was before they even released his name in the media. I can only imagine what was being said among his high school classmates over what was supposed to be a fun winter break. These are the same kids who were broken apart by the tragedy in Parkland just a few miles away. The same kids who have monthly Code Red Drills to practice cramming into closets, hiding, and staying quiet in case there’s an active shooter at their school. This is all way much for these kids to have to go through at this age.
Way too much
It turns out Bryce was struck in the same area another young man was hit a little over a month ago. That morning back in November, we were stuck in traffic trying to get my daughter to school, not knowing that a tragedy had just happened. (How selfish of me to be complaining about being late, not knowing that I was held up because a young man just died.) That time, though, it was an accident – someone trying to beat the train.
In Bryce’s case, it wasn’t.
Bryce was only 17 and from the outside seemed like he had so much going for himself. He was an IB student, was into band and theater, according to the articles I’ve read. Football wasn’t his only talent. His future was so bright – to everyone else except him. Most of us didn’t know the rest of his story until this tragedy happened.
And until his mom went on social media and gave a short glimpse into his world. The video was heartbreaking. Her hurt would make any mom cry. Bryce struggled behind the scenes. Yes, his football career was on the move. He could’ve been playing in the NFL in a few years. But, his life off the field was weighing on him so much more than we all could’ve known. Enough to push him to end it all. He struggled with leaving his mom and brothers behind in Florida, knowing they were on hard times. He struggled with the weight of adult problems on his young, teenage mind.
And he’s not alone.
Teen suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in young people ages 10-24, right behind accidents. Teen suicide rates have increased by 56% in the last decade. And it’s actually up by 73% in black teens.
When are we going to realize that teen suicide is a national crisis?
I talk to so many kids in my office – young kids – battling with anxiety and depression almost every day. Some as young as 7 or 8. School pressure, problems at home, social media, bullying, the comparison to other kids. I see kids who are traumatized by divorce, insulting parents, or parents who are just too busy to even pay attention to them. All of this weighs so heavily on these kids.
Risk Factors For Teen Suicide:
- Mental health disorder (like anxiety or depression)
- Conflict in the home
- History of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)
- Use of alcohol or drugs
- Other medical problems
- Victim of bullying
- Family history of suicide or a mental health disorder
Warning Signs of Teen Suicide
- Talking about suicide
- Withdrawing from friends or activities
- Intense mood swings
- Abusing alcohol or drugs
- Feeling hopeless
- Not eating or sleeping as usual (too much or too little)
- Taking risks
- Giving valuable things away
- Major changes in personality (paranoid, anxious, or agitated)
Prevention of Teen Suicide
- Deal with underlying mental illnesses
- Pay attention to the warning signs
- Encourage participation in activities
- Encourage exercise, healthy eating and habits
- Keep things away that can be used to cause harm
If you have a teenager at home, have teens in your family, or work with teens, download my Teen Suicide printable below. It’s a helpful printable you can keep on hand as a reminder of the risk factors, warning signs, and tips for prevention of teen suicide. Just drop your e-mail below. You’ll also get access to my Resource Library with tons of helpful printables and checklists, plus my weekly newsletter to help you balance your many roles.
What can you do?
Rally for better care
It’s so frustrating for me as a Pediatrician to see our politicians fighting over the dumbest things, yet we don’t have adequate mental health care for our kids. Most insurance companies provide terrible coverage for our kids. Most mental health professionals will only accept cash because they know they won’t get paid by the insurances. This leaves a lot of our kids without the help they need. Encourage your lawmakers to make pediatric mental health a priority. We have to get our kids the help they need to prevent tragedies like this from happening.
Don’t rely on money
Bryce Gowdy’s mom admits their family was at a low point financially, which weighed on him heavily. But, I’ve seen kids from the richest of families struggle just the same. Having the money doesn’t fix it. I’ve seen parents try to fill a void or pacify a situation with money and gifts – not realizing that it’s just attention, love, and a listening ear that these kids need.
Keep your problems to yourself
Nowadays, kids are more aware of the issues their parents are struggling with and they shouldn’t be. Financially, emotionally, in our personal relationships. We can’t pour our problems onto our kids. They can’t be our “best friends”. They’re way too young to handle the stress of adult problems. And they shouldn’t have to. Please let your kids be kids.
Encourage your kids
Do this any chance you can get. If your child has a skill, help him to sharpen that skill. If he’s in a tough situation or has had a disappointment, teach him to look at the bright side. Teach your children resilience. Teach them how to cope when life gets a little rough. Remind your children of their awesome qualities. Every child should know that they play a valuable role in this world, their schools, their families.
Talk – but most importantly – Listen
Talk to our kids. Let them know you’re there no matter what.
I know I’ve been through a lot. Through divorce, multiple years of training, multiple moves. I wasn’t always there to listen and pay attention to my kids as well as I should have. So, I feel Bryce’s mom’s pain. She didn’t know her son was at this point. It can be hard to always know. I only resolve to do the best I can where I am right now.
If your child is reaching out to you, please listen. Put your phone down. Turn off the TV. Give him your full attention. Don’t judge. If you notice any warning signs, get him some help ASAP. Don’t feel bad if he doesn’t want to talk to you. Find someone for him to talk to if you can’t help. As long as he’s talking to someone who can guide him through.
Use whatever resources you have. Through their school, your church, your insurance, through Medicaid. Even ME! Do whatever you can to keep the communication going. When our kids start to shut down and feel no one’s there for them or no one understands them, they lose hope and the drive to keep fighting to the very end.
If you have young kids, keep the lines of communication open from the very beginning. Make sure your kids know that they can come to you for ANYTHING, big or small.
Volunteer
If you don’t have kids (or even if you do), you can still help. Volunteer with teens in your area. Be a mentor. Support a family with teens who may need your help. You never know the difference you can make. We can all start small. Start where we are.
This teen suicide crisis has to end. We have to be there for our kids. Every single young soul has potential, no matter how bad things look. We have to let them know that every day. We have to keep encouraging them. These kids have to stop dying.
My heart goes out to Bryce’s family and all the families affected by teen suicide. This is no way to ring in a New Year. I pray for Bryce’s family, classmates, and anyone who was a part of this young man’s life. I didn’t know him personally, but his name will forever be etched in my mind.
If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
For those who don’t want to speak to a live person, you can also use the online Lifeline Crisis Chat
If you’re looking for ways to support your teenager, download printable “Love Notes For Kids” by filling out the box below. It includes 24 notes you can use to encourage your kids on a regular basis. Your teen is never too old for you to show him some love! You never know – just ONE little note can really make a difference. You’ll also get access to my Resource Library with tons of helpful printables and checklists, plus my weekly newsletter to help you balance your many roles. Check it out!
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This is heartbreaking and as a middle school teacher, I always cringed at the suicide training I had to face each year because I knew I’d never get through it without crying (and I am not a crier). It really is a crisis and we need to take action.
Thank you for reading, Leigh Ann. Yes, it’s tough to talk about or hear about, but something that needs a lot of attention. We have to stay attentive to the needs of the kids around us to prevent these tragedies from happening over and over again. Thank you for the work you do as a Middle School teacher. It’s unfortunate that it’s necessary, but I’m glad suicide training is performed annually.
Thank you so much for this post! This is such an important topic and your suggestions on what to do are so helpful and articulate.
Thank you for reading, Maddy. Yes, it’s so important, and something we just don’t talk about enough. Please feel free to share the message with anyone you think may need it.
Such an important post. An acquaintance recently lost her 21-year-old on to suicide. It’s absolutely terrifying but important that we talk about it.
Sara, I’m so sorry to hear that. I pray for healing for the family. Yes, it’s so tough to talk about, but also so very important. So many of our young people are suffering silently. We have to bring a wider awareness to the issue of suicide. Thanks for reading.
Like!! Thank you for publishing this awesome article.
Thanks for reading! I hope it was helpful. Thanks for following along!
As a mother of 4, I always tell my kids that I’m here for them for anything they need to talk about. I know from experience of feeling alone and questioning my own existence that I don’t want my kids having those same feelings or thoughts. Thanks for the great and inspiring article.
Thanks for reading, Mz Dee. Yes, it’s SO important to constantly remind your kids that you’re there for them. And, if not you, at least making sure they have someone they’re comfortable talking to about anything. Life can be so cruel sometimes!
There needs to be more help for teens. My oldest is in therapy and the therapist has said that my insurance company (the best I can do for right now) doesn’t want to pay and if you are approved for x amount of therapy sessions a month they still don’t want to pay for the sessions. It is unbelievable.
I agree with this 100%. This is something I fight with all the time as a Pediatrician. Mental health is so important, yet insurance companies don’t offer great coverage for kids or adults. It really is a shame, and something we have to fight hard to change. In the mean time, it helps to find all the free resources you can (online or in libraries) to help your kids. Thanks for reading, Deanna!
Wow, an eye-opening blog post! Thank you for your transparency and for presenting options to readers. Suicide and mental health are so important, and if we can be aware of the signs early we can help that person in need. I could not wait to share this with my followers! With appreciation!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing, Sandy! Yes, mental health and suicide are such critical issues that need to be talked about often, yet there’s still such a stigma. The more we talk about it, hopefully the more aware we’ll all become in recognizing the warning signs.