7 Lessons Learned in 7 Years of Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it’s far from easy! The right marriage can build you up, fulfill you, and make you a better person all-around. It takes a lot of time and energy to get to that point, though. I’ve known my husband since I was 13. Although I’ve known him for more than 1/2 my life, that doesn’t make our marriage any easier. We’re far from perfect, and are still learning more about each other and about this whole “til death do us part” commitment every single day. When we really put the effort in, the love we share is truly a beautiful thing. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years – my 7 lessons learned in 7 years of marriage:

1. Focus on the good

Because I’ve known my husband for so long, we have a ton of memories. Those memories are both good and bad. We’ve both caused hurt, but we’ve also created a lot of joy. I’m still learning the importance of focusing on the positive from the past, and not the negative. Forgive wrongs and move forward for the sake of your future. Don’t hold on to grudges. Try to trust with your whole heart, in spite of what you’ve been through. Continue to see the good in your spouse, not the bad.

2. Cherish what you have

It’s easy to get complacent in any relationship, especially marriage. I know I get so busy in my everyday life, and I sometimes take my marriage for granted. We should all be grateful for our spouse, and show him that gratefulness. Remind yourself how special he is to you, and how special your marriage is. Work hard at keeping him every single day. Spend time together. Continue to “date”, and treat him the way you did at the beginning of your relationship. But also love him everyday like it’s your last day with him.

No matter what, it’s important to show your spouse how much you love and respect him, since that’s what men need most. The book Love & Respect is a must-read on this topic. Build him up. Compliment him. Do what you can to continue to make him feel special. If you’re the one person he can rely on for that consistent boost, it’ll keep him hooked!

3. Get rid of bad habits

Just because he married you with your faults doesn’t mean that you should continue with them. If there’s something that you do that’s a pet peeve of his, work hard at getting rid of it. Don’t just think “well he accepted me with my faults and all”. Always aim to get better for yourself, for him, and for your relationship. 

4. Fight fair

This isn’t always easy to do, but is so important in any relationship. When you don’t agree, don’t throw any low blows. Don’t crush your spouse. Don’t call names or criticize spitefully. Try not to generalize. Don’t say anything you’ll regret once you make up. 

Try to see things from your spouse’s point of view. You can’t hear your spouse if you’re trying to only get your point across. Listening is an important part of communication. Don’t pretend to listen, while you’re just waiting for your turn to get your thoughts out. Try to understand before trying to be understood. Communication is key on a daily basis, and especially during disagreements. 

When it comes down to it, if you feel like you can’t fight fair, it’s better to sit in silence than to fight. Remember what you learned as a kid, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. 

5. Make joint decisions

Going from making your own decisions as a single woman to making joint decisions with your spouse can be a huge transition. It’s not always an easy thing to do. But, I’ve realized that truly communicating – coming together and deciding on things together – can prevent so many arguments! It can also lift the burden of some of your major life decisions. Learning to live as one takes a lot of work and intentionality, but I’ve found that it makes life a lot easier.

6. Don’t take things too personal

I have to admit that I have a hard time with this. My husband does an excellent job of keeping it real and telling me things about myself that I may not want to hear. In the midst of a disagreement, I tend to take his criticism personally instead of really thinking about the truth of what’s being said. I know that my husband has my best interest at heart. Learning to accept constructive criticism is so important, instead of being defensive and taking things so personally.

7. Make your marriage a priority

I strongly believe that marriage should be the most important relationship in your life. That’s above your kids, your job, your friends, and extended family. There may be times that you have to focus on something else (like a big test, working towards a degree, an illness in your child or family member), but don’t let it take away from your marriage. Pour your all into your marriage, and you’ll reap the benefits.

My hubby is truly my first, my last, my everything. He’s my first love and the person I look forward to growing old with. He’s my forever love, the man I’ve depended on for so many years. But, we have to work everyday to make this last. I’m not perfect. I don’t claim to have a perfect marriage. I don’t do all these things perfectly all the time. But I’ve realized that when I do, we tend to be on the same page and things run a lot more smoothly in our marriage. I couldn’t see my life without him, and am continuing to learn how to be better at being his wife every single day. 

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